There is nothing quite like the sudden death of a loved one to put life into perspective. Overnight, my life and priorities changed. I didn’t care if the report got written or not. How on earth did I ever believe it mattered that much? Some of the change has been a gift, bringing a wonderful sense of clarity about what is important to me. Most of it is still murky and I’m confused but have a sense and urge for exploration.

It feels like it’s timely. It feels like I’m wanting to really consider what I’m going to do with my remaining years and who I really want to be. Even that is a shift for me. A couple of months ago, I’d have said “what I really want to do”.

It doesn’t feel like I’m exploring for the sake of gaining some control, trying to force a shift or put meaning around the current chaos. I might be wrong, I might be doing exactly that – I guess I’ll find that out along the way too. Even that will teach me something.

I’ve decided to examine my life more closely and review some of my patterns and direction. I’ve been doing it anyway, just not in a very focussed way. So many things come to mind. What IS important to me now? When I look past all the externals, who am I? How do I want to spend my time and energy? How important is money to me? Who do I want to be? What guides me in my decision making? What am I learning through grief – about myself and others? Where is faith in all this? What legacy will I leave when I’m gone? What is the point to life? What do I want to be remembered for? What habits are worth keeping? What is success for me? What would I do if there was no way I could fail? What holds me back? How can I take better care of my body? What does it need? How do I help/hinder my own health? How can I invest in others? What are my core values? What is worth fighting for? What do I need to learn? What do I need to unlearn? What do I need to let go of? What is my purpose? What really makes my heart sing?

I’m not sure whether I’ll explore all of this through The Sacred Cave but it may be a good time to contemplate questions during the Lenten period even though they are not all religious questions set within a Christian context or framework. It seems like good timing though. 40 days of examination. Stay tuned, I might be rambling on a bit, or I might just include some glimpses.

The vine

Woven together we climb our way towards the sun
Stretching out, entangled and embracing.
With those around to anchor us, lean on and grow with
We’ve grown together, upwards and onwards,
Providing shelter and respite under our branches outstretched.